getting biblical.


I was going through a bit of a rough spell
Like I was under some kind of curse
I decided I should do something desperate
Things sure couldn't get any worse
So I went off to look for the Devil
It took all of my knowledge and most of my skills
I finally found him sitting at a table in the back room
Of a restaurant in Beverly Hills
I said, I'll put my name on the dotted line
If you can make it worth my while
So he typed my name into his PDA
And began to go over my file
Then with a smile as sharp as a samurai's sword
He said, there won't be a contract, there's nothing to sign
Because according to my calculations, my friend
Your ass is already mine

I left feeling pretty dejected
I thought I'd reached the end of my rope
When someone tapped me on the shoulder and said
For you there might still be some hope
It was God standing next to me and he said
There's an alternative here that you might not see
If the Devil hasn't got an offer for you
Have you considered working with me?

It's a buyer's market in Hades
But it's a seller's market with me
So if you want the best deal for your eternal soul
Then I'm the one you want to see

I thought to myself, Now isn't that odd?
Make a deal with God? That's a new one to me
I guess the economics of the afterlife
Ain't what they used to be
Anyway, I did the deal and life was just grand
Until I shuffled off my mortal coil
And I became God's errand boy here on Earth
A hundred lifetimes of hardship and toil
So one day I went to God and said I'm going on strike
And he looked me in the eye and he said
If you can't uphold your end of the bargain
I guess I'll have to smite you instead

I said, Don't go getting biblical
Don't go getting biblical
Don't go getting biblical on me

So now I'm recruiting for the Heavenly cause
Until the balance is restored
And I can finally be free to rest in peace
Because I've paid my debt to the Lord

It's a buyer's market…
© 2001 Steven Sobelman. All Rights Reserved.